cat story

30/03/2023

when i moved into my old-new house in the suburb i had the whole world open up to me. having lived on a farm my whole life, i realized the leisure of being just a 10 minute walk away from town.

i found myself able to go to a bus stop and head into town any time i wanted. i could go to the pizza place on my bike without getting winded as badly, and i could visit my friends any time that i wanted.

i didn't really do any of that, though. i found it more comforting to stick to my same routine, with the minor difference that i would walk to the bus instead of being driven there. maybe that little unmonitored bit of my life was all i needed. the world was simply too vast and too full of possibilties that the idea of siezing any one in particular was terrifying.

one day when i was walking back from the bus i saw a cat.

i didn't know whose cat it was. it was white with ginger patches. i kept walking.

a few days later i saw the cat again. i stopped for a moment to consider it. its pupils widened in my presence, and it had a collar--i never bothered to read it. i smiled at it that time before continuing. i was late for nothing in particular, and my head hurt a little more the later i was.

the third time i saw the cat it approached me. i didn't know what it was doing until it let out a meow and rubbed against my leg, so i pet the cat. it was nice. it felt nice too. i like cats.

the cat would approach me every time i passed by on my way home. some days it wasn't there, and that was fine--i would keep walking and get home on time. but if it was, i would always stop for a bit. maybe two minutes or so. i would stop just to say hello, pet the cat, and then continue. a few times it followed me a few paces before keeping to its spot on the sidewalk and seeing me off, and that was fine. i didn't feel bad for leaving, or that i was missing anything.

i wouldn't feel bad if the cat was off doing other things on any other day or night and i wasn't made aware of it, and i wouldn't feel lonely if i saw it with other cats. i wouldn't make the cat uncomfortable when i was drunk or high and spend the next week or so feeling guilty over it. i didn't get nervous and i didn't feel like the cat was going to suddenly stop talking to me for no reason in particular. my posture or attitude or speech patterns didn't seem to irk it. our paths crossed every so often, and it wasn't any more complicated than that.

i moved out last month. i saw the cat in the week before i left on the way to visit one of my older siblings so we could watch a movie. i didn't feel like it needed to be a special occasion, i just stopped as i usually did, pet it for a minute, and kept going on my way. i wasn't left with a gap in my heart as it disappeared behind me.

earlier today i went to get a pizza. the route was already stuck in my mind like an old wound on a fresh limb. i went down the street and down the stairs. today, i saw a cat. it was black with ginger patches.

i'd seen the cat before. every other time i saw it, maybe once or twice, i kept walking, only regarding it for a second. today, i stopped. the cat approached me. it rubbed against my leg; so i pet the cat.

it's nice to have something familiar that arrives on its own time.